Radiant

I wanted to get married at 25 years old. I figured that way I would have 5 years to live with my husband before trying for children at 30. I am turning 30 in about a month, and I am still single. Towards the end of last year I went through a serious bout of self pity.  I was envious of anyone that got married. And it felt like everyone was getting married. I was struggling to find genuine happiness for people who were getting married. All I knew was that it wasn't me yet again. I think I could lie to myself with others but the tipping point was my little sister’s wedding. I was genuinely happy for her and honoured to be a bridesmaid. I helped her with anything I could. It was a wonderful day. But  afterwards I realised in a bit  of panic (okay a lot ) that "she is younger than me";  "I am getting old" and started asking "what's wrong with me"? I was not in a good space. I even tried to break up with my boyfriend because I was getting tired of the old age question "when are you getting married?".  It was not my highest point! That I will admit. My worst comment from anyone was that marriage is a gift from God and I need to be patient. I didn't understand how a loving God could keep something that I wanted away from me.

When I gave my life to Jesus and confirmed it with baptism on the 14 April, I was drawn to scripture and started spending quality time with God. By quality time, I mean one on one sessions where the Holy Spirit is teaching and I am receiving. Where I am given a desire to be consumed by Christ and to faithfully live out His words. I turned off my TV and Youtube became my friend, I listened to women and men who preached the word of God. I have learned a lot of truth and I have had to unlearn a lot of worldly teaching. Detailed below are some of the truths I have learnt from reading scripture and listening to God-fearing people about womanhood, manhood and marriage.

Truths I have learnt:
1. Singleness is a gift. Jesus remained single during his life on earth and he says it's a gift Matthew 19:3-12. Paul says it is BETTER to stay unmarried and he encourages men not to even look for a wife 1 Corinthians 7: 27,38. The reason is that those who marry will face many troubles in this life. Paul encourages singleness to avoid these problems 1 Corinthians 7:28. Paul points out that a single person is not concerned about the things of this world; e.g. how do I please a husband/wife. Their interests are not divided, they are concerned about doing the will of God 1 Corinthians 7:32. 

When Jesus asked his disciples to follow him, he said follow me and I will make you fishers of men Matthew 4:19. We as Christians are called to give our lives to him, have fellowship with Him and to love him and he says he will use our lives for HIS glory. He will give us purpose. He will make singleness fulfilling and meaningful. He will use our lives to bring the lost closer to him. All we need to do is follow him, believe and do his will. 

One of the scariest scripture I have read is from Matthew 7:21 ""Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. It scares me because had I not dedicated my life to Jesus this year I was one of those people. I realised that I was using my singleness to lead a selfish, carnal life but claiming to know Christ. I was unhappy with my life and "waiting" for marriage so that I can start living. Had I died, Jesus would have said to me "I do not know you" Matthew 25:12; Luke 13:27.  Now I am not saying that you have to DO something to gain salvation but your actions have to show that you really love Jesus. When you are in a relationship you try to find out what your partner loves and you do more of that and what they don't love and you do less of that. It's how you show that you love a person. Jesus is far more worthy of your affection and you need to show your love to him by being obedient to his word. 

2. Marriage is a gift. And like any gift from God, it is given in God's perfect timing. It's not something you get once you are content with being single or when you lose a bit of weight or if you are beautiful or whatever lies you believe will make you worthy of this gift. Remember that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17). We need to trust him because He is good. God who knows us better than we know ourselves Jeremiah 1:5. 

3. We mustn't marry an unbeliever 2 Corinthians 6:14. "Marriage is a picture of the glorious and precious and intimate relationship between Christ and the church". A husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. If your husband does not know who Jesus is, then he is unable to model the sacrificial love of Christ. Christ who took responsibility for the sins of the church and a husband is meant to take responsibility for his wife. A wife is commanded to submit and respect her husband like how the church submits to the will of Jesus Ephesians 5:21-33. A woman can do that wholeheartedly if her husband removes the fear of submitting 1 Peter 3:5-6. He does this by submitting to the will of God. He must be a man who is following the will of God so that she is not fearful of submitting to him. 

Do you know that God created submission before the fall? God gave Adam authority over all of creation. God allowed Adam to name his creation Genesis 2:19. God even gave Adam authority to name the woman - the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23). The only commandment they had in the garden of Eden, not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, was given to Adam. Notice that God did not call Adam and Eve together to tell them about his one commandment, he told the man and it was the man's responsibility to teach the woman. Eve could trust Adam's authority because he had fellowship with God. After the fall,  the Lord God still stuck to the authority he had given. God called out to the man, “Where are you?”; notice that God is still holding Adam responsible even after the fall Genesis 3:9. Marriages are meant to replicate this authority because it is designed by God.

4. Women tend to confuse identity with roles. Who you are as a person should be firmly built on Jesus Christ, he is our foundation. We are to have God confidence. In Genesis 1:26-27, God says let us make man in our image...he made male and female in his image. So even if I am single, I am complete, because I am made in the image of God. Note that Eve is created in the image of God first before she is given a role of being Adam's helper. I think it's important so I will repeat it, God established Eve's identity first, then He gave her a role of being a helper to man Genesis 2:18. When you don't understand your identity in Christ, you start to take the role you are given and turn that into your identity. That's why you find people who have dedicated their lives to a certain roles (business person, mom, wife, husband etc) can find themselves feeling unfulfilled.

4. A man looks for a wife. Proverbs 18:22 says it well - He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. A God fearing man will pray for God's guidance on a spouse. A woman waits patiently for a husband. Her hope is not pinned on finding a husband. Instead, she trusts that Father God will provide a mate suitable for her. She does not waste her life sampling various potentials. She does not waste her life but uses her gift of singleness to give glory to God. She trusts God because God knows her better than she knows herself. She trusts his guidance living in faith but knowing that even if God calls her to a life of singleness she will rejoice!  She knows that this life is momentary, the prize of living a life pleasing to God is that you get to spend eternity in God's presence!

 

5.  Sex is a gift from God, given to those who are joined in the covenant of marriage 1 Corinthians 7:2; Hebrews 13:4. If you chose to have sex before marriage you are disobeying God and choosing to forfeit the kingdom for momentary pleasure Ephesians 5:5. Do not be deceived by the lies that the world tells you. And NO, dating for many years does not qualify you as married in the eyes of God. If you see your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, you realise that you are housing a Holy God in your body and you are awaken to the fact that you therefore cannot defile it. 

If you are single and longing for marriage, use the time you have to glorify God. You have more time on your hands so chat to God more. Use the "free time" to immerse yourself in the word of God. Allow God to guide you away from selfishness and self-centredness. 

The Holy Spirit stirs in us joy and peace when we are fixated on Jesus, living by faith, focused on the life to come (Francis Chan, Crazy love). Those who look to him are radiant Psalm 34:5.  So be radiant!

God bless

Additional material

1. Becoming a Godly Woman (Listen to all 3 inserts) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzFif20NW1U
2. Singleness https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MVq0mwhu2gQ
3. Be a Man...Biblically http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ0-kJW3nz4
4. Marriage and Men (I love the examples of submitting that are given in this sermon. If that's submitting I can do that for my husband !) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYBovk6MBEg
5. Marriage and Women http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa44Ja6Zc5g

(images courtesy of google images)