All I know is that I worry more. It was okay when I only had to take care of my needs during my singleness/selfishness but for some reason, I am stressing when I think about taking care of a household. I worry about our marriage. Will God give us the strength to sustain it? I worry about our finances. Will we ever have enough not for greed sake but for living sake? I have been praying but I feel the negative force is masquerading as if it is winning again. This happens before God does something amazing. It could be changing my situation or it could be merely changing the way I see God working in that midst of the difficult situation. The defeat seems immense. The desire to quit is insurmountable. The list of why it won't work is longer than why it would.
I worry because I lack faith. I have reduced God's greatness to the little incidents that happen in my life. God has become unable because of my unanswered prayers or prayers that were not answered to my satisfaction. I have looked at the mountain and told it how much stronger and more powerful it is compared to my God. It's during this time that I become desperate to saturate my mind with scripture. I have to renew my mind. I pray to God even though he is distant hoping that with each word he can draw me closer to him. I long to feel His presence. I go to church and it is powerful, word saturated and Holy Spirit led every week but something in me fails to sustain this for my week.
My lack of faith makes me unhappy. Yet, I chose to stick to the known even though it makes me sad. I wake up with difficulty every morning and pray that I get through my day.
Knowing that God is close to me changes my life. I have seen this countless times. I feel loved. Out of this love, I live in a way that energises me and the people I do life with. Why do I forget that I am loved?
I worry because I lack faith. I have reduced God's greatness to the little incidents that happen in my life. God has become unable because of my unanswered prayers or prayers that were not answered to my satisfaction. I have looked at the mountain and told it how much stronger and more powerful it is compared to my God. It's during this time that I become desperate to saturate my mind with scripture. I have to renew my mind. I pray to God even though he is distant hoping that with each word he can draw me closer to him. I long to feel His presence. I go to church and it is powerful, word saturated and Holy Spirit led every week but something in me fails to sustain this for my week.
My lack of faith makes me unhappy. Yet, I chose to stick to the known even though it makes me sad. I wake up with difficulty every morning and pray that I get through my day.
Knowing that God is close to me changes my life. I have seen this countless times. I feel loved. Out of this love, I live in a way that energises me and the people I do life with. Why do I forget that I am loved?
No comments:
Post a Comment