I take time to bounce back. This is what I'm learning about myself. Those statements about "If you don't try you've already failed" never used to bother me because trying meant that there was a possibility of failure. And because it takes time to recover from failure, not trying meant I never had to find out. That's what fear does, it robs you and robs those around you. Your talents and gifts are buried as you learn enough and do enough to prevent failure. Fear meant that I halfheartedly gave of myself in relationships, I was always leaving lots of room for disappointment. I hardly shared myself with those I loved.
Some of the things I've learned.
1. I had a false identity
I did not know who I was and why I was created. I imitated or showed parts of me that I felt were likable. I hid myself a lot. I avoided conflict and I ran from situations where I felt I could not express my true feelings. I was a coward, choosing to run instead of facing difficult situations I should have tackled directly. I preferred large group of friends because I could be hidden in the crowd and not have to show who I really was. It was all linked to an incorrect perspective of who I am. By God's grace even the decisions made from a place of fear have been redeemed. I now know who I am and what purpose I was created for. I am a child of God (Gal 3:26). I am made in the image of God (Gen 26:1). The creator of the universe calls me by name (Isai 43:1). I am co-heir with Christ (Roms 8:17). I was created to love the God with all my heart, my mind and my soul. This love I give to God is an outpouring of a heart grateful for the love poured unto me by Him. I am made to love others. Because I am loved unconditionally. God's love compels me to love others.
2. Believing lies
I chose to believe that lies that I was not capable instead of soberly evaluating what I am good at and doing more of that. God cares. Yes, even the mundane things matter to him. Even little things like my eating and drinking point to his provision for me (1 Corinthians 10:31). There will be times of failure but even those moments are part of God's divine plan. My seeking God during my disappointment and heart-ache is part of the plan. It's not something I do when I am travelling to the ultimate goal. It's such a comfort knowing that God is with me. He promised never to forsake and leave me so he is right there by my side celebrating the victories and asking me to look at him during the difficult times.
3. Short-sighted view of life
Did you know that this life is short. Some people are blessed with just over a 100 years of life but most people die before that time. The failure experienced in this short time will not matter as time goes by. The problems that weighed heavily in my heart at 22 I cannot even remember now at 30. We can be headed in on direction and then change our minds. We have the freedom to chose. Looking back at my life journey, I have realised that God always seems to use the ruins of my story to create His beautiful story. The best part is that my failures today will be minute in comparison to endless joy of being in the very presence of Jesus.
I would love to say I am healed completely of my misconceptions. It's a process. The default setting of fear creeps in at times. I have to actively replace the lies with truth. I am taking ownership of my thoughts, actively raging a war against the thoughts that hold me captive and replacing them with truth. I know that I am created for a purpose. Jesus came so that I am have life and have it in abundance. I am learning to voice my opinions even the unpopular ones. And I always remember that God asks me to be faithful. Everyday I pursue to show the love of God to those around me. I give myself to those I love. My prayer is to endure this marathon called life so that I may hear the beautiful words of Christ - "well done you good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21).
You make me brave by Amanda Cook and Bethel Music.
Love the passion and words...
